The three keys to leadership are likely things you’ve not heard before. Watch the video to find out, or read the transcript below.
00:00 and today we’re going to talk about the 00:01 three critical things that make up great 00:02 leadership okay so what are those three 00:05 things if you followed us in the 00:06 ultimate why you’ll have you’ve seen 00:08 this acronym before it’s knowing 00:11 emotional engagement and promise you 00:13 think what the heck what does that have 00:15 to do with leadership these are the 00:17 three critical elements of loving 00:20 connection and I’ll get to it more like 00:22 why does what does loving you have to do 00:24 with leadership it has everything to do 00:26 with leadership okay so let’s let’s dive 00:28 deeper into this okay so let’s do a 00:30 little thought experiment to illustrate 00:32 these three principles first I got my 00:34 magic markers here and we’re gonna delve 00:37 into it so let’s make a little person 00:39 here this is this is you this little red 00:41 guy here so people that are close to you 00:47 okay I asked people in a lot of my talks 00:50 that the people that are closest to you 00:52 they do these three things okay they 00:55 know you 00:57 meaning they know your traits your 00:58 history your personality your strengths 01:02 all of these things you’re well known 01:05 deeply known even your history okay 01:07 people who have been with you for a long 01:09 time know you well hopefully okay and so 01:12 those people are gonna be close to you 01:13 people that are are emotionally engaging 01:17 they project up hey I’m glad you’re here 01:19 I’m glad to be with you they project a 01:22 safety you’re safe with me 01:23 which is particularly important in the 01:26 workplace that’s the number one thing to 01:27 project first and foremost emotionally 01:30 in the workplace is is psychological 01:32 safety so you feel safe you feel 01:34 welcomed and there’s some sense that I’m 01:38 going to be there for you and in that 01:40 emotional engagement okay so those 01:42 people like children spouses they’re 01:45 gonna be really tight close to you okay 01:48 and then third is promise they answer 01:51 the question are you going to be 01:53 faithful to me or you can be there for 01:55 me in the future are you going to grow 01:57 into the person are we gonna grow closer 01:59 together in the future 02:00 those are big promises and those are the 02:03 things that that leadership needs to 02:06 project okay so these are the people I 02:09 ask people to rate relationships 02:11 according to this and and you’ll find 02:14 the closest and relationships are highly 02:16 knowing highly emotionally engaging and 02:19 highly highly full you know keeping huge 02:21 promises like your your parents are 02:23 willing to sacrifice for you okay your 02:27 your friends will what will help you 02:29 move the you know friends might be maybe 02:32 a secondary line your close friends your 02:34 best friends but they’ll be there with 02:36 you when you’re in need emotionally they 02:38 listen they’re there they’re close to 02:41 you feel safe with them you feel like 02:43 you can laugh together and fun you get 02:45 each other you can just say a single 02:46 word and start laughing and and and know 02:50 what’s going on and then you know you 02:52 have people that are maybe out into this 02:54 realm that are that are decent 02:56 acquaintances you know that they’re 02:58 going to project safety to you they’re 03:01 emotionally pretty pretty well put 03:03 together and you feel good around them 03:05 and you know if you ask them to do 03:08 something well either say no I can’t do 03:09 that and so you know they’re they’re 03:11 safe with their promises and then 03:13 there’s you know people out here that 03:15 you don’t know or perhaps that have let 03:18 you down on occasion and then you know 03:21 I’ll put these little Dark Horse’s way 03:23 out here these are people that have 03:24 broken promises who have not been 03:27 emotionally engaging with you these 03:30 people have you know they don’t know you 03:33 even though they’ve been around you for 03:34 a long time they still make mistakes 03:36 because they don’t they don’t understand 03:38 anything about you okay they’re not safe 03:40 there you know there are people that you 03:43 you don’t really particularly care for 03:45 they’re out here so here’s the critical 03:49 engagement so you have this map of 03:51 people in your life these people are 03:52 what we call very closely attached to 03:54 you these people are unattached in fact 03:58 you might want to avoid them okay so 04:01 think about this which people are most 04:06 willing to do things for you the people 04:11 that are closest into you which people 04:15 are you as a person most willing to do 04:18 things for them it’s this group in here 04:21 okay 04:23 the more highly attached 04:26 meaning loving connection that you are 04:28 with another individual the more you’re 04:30 willing to sacrifice for them the more 04:32 that you’re willing to do things for 04:33 them and the more that you will become 04:35 like them okay this is this is critical 04:39 so this might be an ironic sense or a 04:42 place for this for a book to get this 04:44 from this is from a PhD psychologist 04:46 Gordon Neufeld and co-author Gordon Mott 04:49 a an amazing book it’s called hold on to 04:52 your kids are you thinking what does 04:53 what does hold on to your kids have to 04:55 do with leadership and with in the 04:59 workplace in an organization the key 05:02 element here is that he says that 05:04 there’s a problem in our today society 05:07 because children bond with each other we 05:09 let our we’ve left particularly 05:11 adolescents become connected attachment 05:14 right here so parents have moved out of 05:17 this circle and we have just you know 05:19 immature kids attaching with immature 05:22 kids and what happens they become like 05:24 each other they begin to obey each other 05:27 and begin to shun the parents and so we 05:31 we no longer have these mature 05:33 individuals nurturing and mentoring the 05:36 immature to become mature adults we have 05:39 immaturity immaturity bonding with 05:41 Emmett or any of what happens they start 05:43 doing foolish things so he says that in 05:47 in those cultures in those places where 05:49 parents maintain a high degree of 05:51 attachment there’s a greater following 05:56 of a mature individual into a mature 05:58 adult life and it’s a much safer much 06:00 better place to go but much better path 06:02 so the critical principle here is 06:04 attachment we become like those that 06:08 care most for us we become like we obey 06:12 we do things for we will follow those 06:17 that we are most attached to so just an 06:20 as we did that little thought experiment 06:21 who would you most sacrifice for for my 06:23 children I would lay down my life I 06:26 would give them all of my money so that 06:28 they would survive they’re the same 06:31 thing is probably for them that when I 06:33 get old they’ll take care of me they’ll 06:35 do sacrifice for me and and close 06:38 friends like if they need me 06:40 I’d go I’d drop things I’d go do things 06:42 for them so think about there are 06:45 leaders that are probably on this level 06:46 that have known you well have treated 06:49 you well that you’re like I’d follow 06:51 them they really they loved me so this 06:55 is a key as leaders we need to love not 07:01 just tell people what to do it’s the 07:04 other way around 07:05 after that relationship is built when 07:08 you ask something people will follow 07:11 people will do it’s not a manipulative 07:13 because people willingly do this 07:16 it’s our operating system as human 07:19 beings that people in these tighter 07:21 circles we follow one another we support 07:24 one another we do things for one another 07:27 you see how that will create this type 07:29 of closeness creates a great culture if 07:32 you’ve got just people out here that 07:33 have no relationship with whom they’re 07:36 leading and they’re using power over to 07:39 try to command by fear it might work you 07:43 might be able to make lots of money even 07:45 but you’re you you’re you over you’re 07:48 not utilizing the basic operating system 07:52 of human beings you’re neglecting how we 07:55 operate as human beings these aren’t 07:57 true leaders these are dictators okay 08:01 maybe the best you know mechanical 08:03 managers that doesn’t mean that leaders 08:06 in this circle particularly within 08:08 organizations don’t do good management 08:10 you know because if I if I’m a manager I 08:13 have a lot of promises that I need to 08:15 keep to you as an employee I need to 08:17 tell you what is expected of you I need 08:19 to supply you with the the supplies that 08:21 you need to do your job I need to put 08:24 you in a place that I know that you’re 08:25 strong with if I start to break down 08:28 those promises as a leader in an 08:30 organization I start to neglect all this 08:33 and the person doesn’t feel connected to 08:35 you okay so there’s a lot of things 08:38 within the organizational structure that 08:39 are unique to this kind of a keep 08:41 structure that that we’ll talk about 08:43 more and other relationships but the key 08:45 thing that I want to get to cross to you 08:47 this time is that leaders love leaders 08:51 love first 08:52 that’s what comes first and then people 08:55 will begin to not even just follow it’s 08:58 a relationship it becomes a mutual thing 09:00 you work together towards goals and ends 09:03 you see how this generates an amazing 09:05 culture you see how this generates this 09:08 is when every leader starts to generate 09:10 this on their team and begins to build 09:12 an atmosphere where trust and emotional 09:14 engagement and knowing and promise 09:16 arrive and and live and be this is where 09:21 people this is where people thrive you 09:24 know this is where healthy relationships 09:27 and leadership happens so that’s the key 09:30 three principles for leadership if you 09:33 want to be a great leader you have to 09:35 know the people that you’re working with 09:36 you have to understand their traits 09:39 their personality their history their 09:43 strengths their values what makes them 09:45 tick 09:45 you have to emotionally engage with them 09:47 okay and a lot of times that’s just 09:50 being candid it’s being clear that’s 09:53 being consistent those are the 09:54 foundational things that you need to do 09:55 in your emotional engagement in an 09:57 organizational structure and then you 09:59 need to keep your promises if you’re not 10:01 keeping your promises as leader if 10:03 you’re overwhelmed and trying to take on 10:04 too many things you need to say no to 10:06 something so that you can keep your 10:08 promise as well so that everyone in your 10:10 organization trusts each other so these 10:12 are the three critical things for 10:13 leadership three critical things because 10:15 leaders make culture those are the three 10:18 critical things that we need to do in 10:20 our organizations every week so thanks 10:23 very much for following us and all of us 10:27 on social media follow follow us here on 10:29 YouTube and we hope you enjoy this and 10:32 if you have any questions shoot us an 10:34 email engage with us on social media 10:36 we’d be happy to answer your questions 10:40 all right we’ll have a great week